I dont wanna miss.

come december, i'll build a new life.

You go around in mysterious ways
And tread lightly on the lines of gray.
Sure of foot and confidence in stride,
They all turn to have a second sight
At how this girl takes the light
And gives colour to what was merely bright.

So you dance the night away
Waiting for that Mister Right.

But with a faint smile and a pirouette,
You drive all the boys mad.
They can't tell lust from love,
But you know,
So you still dance alone tonight.

Just something Mr John Savage wrote for me. I bet he cant even remember he wrote this. But, i love it.

There are songs that make us want to dance. Songs that make us want to sing along.
But the best songs are the ones that bring you back to the moment you first heard them and once again, break your heart.

Wed 3:02PM, sitting alone at starbucks. way too many people for my liking. gta find some place quieter! less human pollution.
got everything i wanted to do, done. amazing, been yrs since that happened. it's starting to scare me, how much i enjoy alone time. and even how much i detest people (in general) sometimes. but i guess the worst fear boils down to becoming her.

I like my white chocolate mocha frap, iced. random thought.

when you've reached pit bottom, the only way left is to the top, i guess thats a good thing? is that supposed to be some kind of motivation?

its only been a few months into school and its taught me so much. the comfort of being on top has made me really complacent, making me think luck could drive me to my aspirations. how cld i have been so blind to such a foolish thought, only to realise it after 12 yrs of education.

went through today's routine with 2 thoughts in mind, hence being really stoned out half the time.
what am i to do?
do people really care?

and at the end of the day, no answers.
i feel like i'm slowing starting to fade into the background.. of everything.
you see the picture?

i'm still as amazed as before.

They clash. And as much as i would like to make them come to terms with each other, i can't. I guess that's just a blatant truth that's screaming right into my face that i've got to accept. It's either me. Or the enemy.

I don't wanna advise. Well, whatever i think doesn't seem to be of any importance to you. I'll wait, watch and at the end. I'll leave. No matter what the outcome is. It's sad to feel like i don't care. Or maybe i do, just don't wanna admit it.

Wouldn't it be nice if we could all spent one day not comparing what we have now to the past.

Quit thinking
Drink beer, be merry, don't sweat the small stuff.
-MLM

Im back to work and the routine has began again, 9-6 9-6 9-6...  Actually starts at 830 but im always late so.. yeah heh. !!! 2 more weeks of this. Hoh noo.. Felt so damn good with the 5 day weekend. Back to the horror!? Cant complain, slack job good pay. I've decided to revive this blog since i've got 8 hours on the com everyday, ho joy! Trying to do something to the layout but the html template seems to have disappeared. Somebody enlighten this noob?

I come to work with a  million things i plan to do but i end up getting stuck at doing only 1. The lights are insanely bright. The walls are too sparkly white. Its either im drowning in a million voices or i get a headache from the buzzing sound in my ear because of the intense silence. My eyes turn into stone. My brain is dead. How do the people inside tolerate this for half their lives? How am i gonna escape this route since my future seems to be following this direction. I feel like im in brave new world. And i miss Literature alot.

Frequent faithful visits from dantheman. LOL-ing at dylan and haniza online. Random chats with random people and people i havent spoken in years. Pocky. Pokka. Problems. Just about to get me through the 8 dreadful hours,

Enough abt workworkwork..

Dee cant make it to bintan!!!! Bummer Bummer Beez and Geez. Whats with overbearing parents. First they refuse my escape to visit sonn in amazing aussie then they steal my passport to ban me from my 3rd trip to BKK now it's dee's turn. Really. Need. To. Leave. This. Small. town. Rightnow! Guess i'll have to have a change of plans.

You see.. the feeling of being somewhere foreign, leaving yr whole bag of burdens and responsibilities behind with the freedom of doing anything anytime anywhere. IS AWESOME. And i want that feeling back. Maybe just a few times over.

So i digressed from here and went ot do some drawings. Work's almost over and i cant stand looking at this screen anymore!

Till early mornin tmw, drink beer be merry dont sweat the small stuff.
-MLM.

To those who stick around, yr brave.
Here's to a tough life and surprises.
To those who turn away, i dont blame you.
I am difficult afterall.
And its hard to see the attempts amidst all failures.
Till life is over, drink beer be merry dont sweat the small stuff.
(:

For once that evil bitch is not home and i have taken full custody of the couch. enjoying my papayas, yes! they help in boob growth and korean drama, call me ah lian whatever they're simply too irresistable! dyou know how good it feels? dyou, dyou?! mm, better than anyone can imagine! ahhh..

So while enjoying the comfort of being at home on a saturday night, i start to think alot. like how baking seems like a trend now. how very sweet and nostalgic, like something i used to do and enjoyed doing. just now, it isnt so. and i cant find a reason or explanation to it. how ive started getting so skeptical about.. almost everything. how i'm not planning to get married and would like raise my very adorable kid singlehandedly, how ive lost my tolerance to the inadequacies of human beings, how i dont feel like im, just me, anymore.

Maybe its just the nasty bacteria thats getting to me, or the heat in spore that makes me miss genting ohsomuch, or maybe im just finding excuses.

Doesn't this sound like a troubled problematic teenager, trying to figure out her identity? hahahahaha.

Sadly, im 19. and im not sure if that classifies me as a teenager anymore. young adult? i guess somewhere in between.

And maybe thats what im upset about.

Yknow, i dont know.

Tired excuses?
Better in time, that simple?
Why'd we give up so easily.

Ive been trying my best to see the good side of people and as much as i can only the good side. naive or stupid some might say, i choose to think its being simple- minded. if everyone would just care a little more about something or someone else besides themselves, this world would be a much better place. no personal targets or insinuations here. just, a rant.

just had a good hearty laugh with "who's line is it anyway?" and im off to dance now! life is good, but i'm tired. 

 

hehehehahahahahohoho i still cant get over cho cho cranky cho's chubby hubby cheeks and poot lips. we run we run fast in suicide lanes.

ho yeah! the whole hoohaa and " omg results tmw " in a million gazillion ways is overrr and done with! the anticipation was krrrazyy, my nerves couldnt take it. couldnt stand opening results in front of everyone, dragged tmk&txy to The Shack. but yess all that itsy heart ditsy stuff over! no straight As or anything like that, expectedly considering the prep i had. but im happy, more than happy. :D:) just now it leaves me in the middle of two worlds, could have the best of both worlds or none. got some prettttty damn tough decisions to make, phweh.

and hello to the one who calls T12 stupid, BEST CLASS FOR LIT ALRIGHT! how bout' that.

i wanna getaway getaway getawayyy, payday today! i cannot stand living another day with this feeling. got to go!

 

 
dont underestimate the power of language, communication and words. the effect of what you say on someone else. no im not talking the iloveyous and such. little. maybe brief and random. but significant. words that might not seem to matter to you, but to the other end it could make or break. i miss the way we used to talk, looking back on past conversations i saved. we felt free. not bogged by our situational restrictions. we laughed we cried we connected. in a way like none other. it still amazes me today but i figured we all connect to different people in different ways, just with you it gets to me like the rain. some kind of wonderful.

ignite the flame and run my heart through the pain. scarred and tortured to remind but still in vain. the amber's burning yet fading away. diminishing diminishing only flickering again. then the wind blows our way and re-ignites the flame. 

hahah so cute. CUTE.

days go by i live and die feeling so blind i dont know why.
omg it rhymes hohoho! neh.
i miss orange julius and that munchkin who got me addicted to it.
they come and go i guess.
its all about finding ways to fill that void.
sometimes we get tired.
i am.

moolentines at ben&jerry's! full day wohoho. all the single ladies all the single ladies come visit!

its mambo again but tonight im home. amazing aint it, im surprised myself too. this hedonistic lifestyle as ive predicted has reached its expiry, i cant go on another day not knowing what im living for and the anticipation for that piece of paper that's gna dictate my future is killing me. today feels exactly like the 9th of october 2008. when someone asked me a qn and i was totally tongue-tied. no answer, no words. like a brain block. only this time, its like my life has come to a halt. goodyluck to me!

live bands played tonight
songs they sang you sang
it was just like an encore
but now i am watching
with different feelings
half the time the world is ending
truth is i am done pretending

Love has all the permanance of a rainbow- beautiful while its there and just as likely to have disppeared by the time you blink.

One tree hill has yet again never failed to make me feel. sounds like the typical cheesy me, i mean c'mon its just another soap, right? but no, this one seems to rly have an effect on me. beats me too!

work at 10 am tmw im gna sleepwalk againnn double shot expresso here we go!

let 09 bring me someone real.

Lazy sunday afternoon
i cant seem to get the image of the perfect crescent moon i saw last night
or the stars semi-blocked by the leaves of the tree
or the candle we stole that was slowly burning away
out of my mind.

We puffed and sighed, the air was cold and still just the way i like it, this feeling's been gone for too long.

Its xmas (:
This yr's gna be different.
ILL BE WORKING IN THE MORNING! 10 to 5, Ben&Jerry's Cathay.
VISITTTT PEOPLE.
VERY EXCITED.
HOHOHO.